“A Drowning Person Will Clutch a Straw”

Episode 98 Grasping at Straws
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Cristina: [00:00:00] Welcome to Morning Coffee and Mimosas. I'm Christina. And I'm Joe. We are a father daughter duo. We come here Sunday mornings, but you can come here anytime you please. We banter about life, about business, and we do it over coffee and mimosas.

Good morning. Good morning to you, Faja. Faja. Love that. And good morning to you listeners. That's right. Thanks for being with us this morning. Yes. 

Joe: Thank you very much. And thank you for putting up with us. It came in talk as we, uh, tell you how a great breakfast we had again and all that stuff. I'm sure you're like.

Can you two stop about that 

Cristina: and just get to the topic? I really wish you would stop including me in this because you're the only one who's talking 

Joe: about this. Well, I love food so much, so it just keeps coming out, so I'm sorry. It's 

Cristina: not us. It's you, really. That's the problem here. [00:01:00] That's true. 

Joe: It kind of always is, isn't it?

So why 

Cristina: don't you just apologize on behalf of yourself? 

Joe: I apologize on behalf 

Cristina: of myself while you're at it. I'll take the apology too because I'm tired of hearing about your breakfast And 

Joe: since brad does the editing just the entire conversation may disappear 

Cristina: If we're all lucky Well, happy february everybody we are into february if you can even believe And I just wanted to let each and every one of you know, because I think that's around when this episode will be dropping.

You are all our Valentine. There you go. That's right. And I'm speaking for you and me there, Dad. Very good. Thank you. You, our listeners, are our Valentine. 

Joe: Really. It's true. It's true. It's amazing. 

Cristina: Yeah. Will you be my, will you be our Valentine? Thank you for hanging with us. Yes. 

Joe: Thank you. So we hope on.

February right around the 14th. There's a big spike in downloads 

Cristina: When us and all of our Valentines get together to listen, 

Joe: that's [00:02:00] correct. That's right. And uh, I Don't know. I guess it has that statement has no relation to our topic, but I wanted to introduce our topic today because I was thinking of and I don't know how it came across my head, but 

Cristina: came across your head because you Constantly have proverbs playing they do 

Joe: they do so, you 

Cristina: know behind the scenes in your brain 

Joe: yeah, and I was thinking of Proverbs and then I was like, oh, maybe this might be might be a very good topic because I Think it's very appropriate for business and it has to do the proverb of you know, a drowning man will clutch a straw you know, you've heard that phrase and I thought about it because in business Very often, um, that's kind of what you do, and you do it in life also, you know, um, and basically it, it deals with the fact of when faced with, you know, uh, dire circumstances or [00:03:00] adversity, um, people will grasp at even the smallest chance for survival and so on.

Cristina: Well, and I think what It says to me, is you think that a dying grasp a straw. Sometimes like in that 

Joe: Drowning mass, not dining. Not dying. Drowning. Oh, I didn't I don't have Now, a dining man will grasp a 

Cristina: straw.

A drinking man will grasp a straw. 

Joe: And actually, when I first was thinking about it, and I thought dining, I said, You know, I am really Pissed off at the fact that they don't give you straws anymore. You gotta beg for them. You gotta ask for them I 

Cristina: mean that you do feel desperate Desperate at a restaurant when they give you a drink and you're you're trying to grasp a straw 

Joe: So i'm gonna rename the proverbs to a dining man, 

Cristina: these are the proverbs that go through my brain [00:04:00] A dining man will grasp a straw anyway

Oh God, um, remember one thing, no, in desperate situations, 

Joe: a good laugh can be a lifeline. Was that a, that was a dad joke? Yeah. 

Cristina: At least it was relevant. It wasn't good, but it was relevant. It was relevant. Okay. Um, man, we're, what? How many minutes in and this has just been complete garbage so far? Four 

Joe: minutes 

Cristina: and 37 seconds.

Complete garbage. So sorry, listeners. Okay, back on topic. Um. Okay, so that old proverb, now we've just lost it. That old proverb though, a drowning man will grasp a straw, to me, um, it just speaks to like when you are just in the, that fit of desperation and, and sometimes You, you get to the point where you're just, you're [00:05:00] not able to see what's in front of you.

Right. And you kind of lose all focus. And you're, I mean, it's that desperation, right? Where you're kind of like, just wondering what is your way out? Or how do you find a solution? I think that the, Lesson, and I don't know if it's a lesson, but like what we want to talk about today is how can you take that?

moment and make sure and make sure that you're checking yourself because Grasping a straw as a drowning man, right? That's not gonna save you How do you? In that moment, when it's very easy to cling to gimmicks and things that are like the bright, shiny object or just anything that, you know, that's in front of you, how do you, like, discern when to take action so that you don't end up flailing uncontrollably, grasping for straws, but instead find the, [00:06:00] shall I use a Titanic reference, find a, find a door that Two people definitely could have been saved by but only one was but you know what I mean or a life raft or I?

Don't know if that tech Titanic reference hit or not, but we'll continue it doesn't matter

Joe: No, it's very true because we everyone it's in some point of the life is Desperate in, in whatever situation it could be, you desperately need a job. You desperately, you know, you lost your job or you don't have enough money to pay bills or things are getting stressful. And it's almost like in those times we do the most ridiculous things like, I'll buy more lottery tickets because I need to win the lottery.

You know, like your chances are going to go from a billion trillion to one to The same odds which are 

Cristina: well, you spend money that you don't you don't have to do [00:07:00] that 

Joe: correct or or you just Literally, and that's where the phrase comes from grasp at straws like as if that's gonna It's going to do something 

Cristina: I think of it.

I mean, I work in the field of professional selling. Think about, you know, it's a stressful, stressful career, you know, you have highs, you have lows and sometimes there's feast and sometimes it's famine. And I think of like the mindset of salespeople and how sometimes, you know, you could start grasping at straws, spending your time on opportunities that are not going to, that's bear any fruit or, you know, be a good use of your time because you're just, you're grasping at straws, right?

You're trying to, you're desperate and you start to do things that are counterproductive and counterintuitive. So. 

Joe: Now, now the positive, there is, there is, and now I'm sure some of you listening are, are saying, well, hold on a minute. [00:08:00] I was desperate. I'm just using, I'll stay with your sales effort, but I was desperate.

You know, every, uh, this part of these, this prospect wasn't responding to emails, letters, anything. And, you know, I finally, popped on a plane, went over there or got in my car and took a chance. And everybody told me I was grasping at straws, but I went and met the person and, you know, we hit it off and I got a big account.

Great. Those things can happen. 

Cristina: Yeah, but there was also probably some logic to that if you actually put that through some kind of a filter That's right. So I think you also have to be careful clinging to an Example of a time that something ridiculous worked. Mm hmm. And 

Joe: then yeah, and then extrapolating that that it'll work, you know, in, in all kinds, and it depends on the cost.

You know, if it was, I got in my car and I went over to the office and happened to meet the person. Well, that wasn't really a straw. Maybe that's 

Cristina: something that you just should have done. That was [00:09:00] a good 

Joe: strategy, right? Exactly. You know, but if you're going to, you know, go on a plane and take a few days and it costs thousands of dollars and the hotel and the whole bit.

Well, was that really smart? You know, so it all depends, but that's exactly it, we tend to start to make, that's why I love that phrase, because we literally tend to grasp at things that have such a low likelihood of being true. Of working 

Cristina: well, and I think the what was kind of going through my mind when I threw out the example in sales is more how you behave in certain situations, right?

So if you're desperate and you need you need that sale so bad, people can tell. And that's in an automatic turnoff, right? if you are overaggressive, if you are pushy, if all of the sudden you're assuming that they're finding issue with something that they've taken no issue with, and you're [00:10:00] coming back and You know, Hey, I thought about, you know, presenting your own objections.

Hey, I thought about, you know, uh, if you have a problem with the price, we can actually go lower, you know, like that kind of stuff where you're, you overdo it, I think, is kind of where my head was going from, you know, just that, that sales 

Joe: actually, um, you just put up something, we literally had a vendor offer us a service that we've might want.

Or it might not want I'm not going to get into any details. This is the God's honest truth 

Cristina: And I would hate if you were lying on this podcast. 

Joe: I know that I didn't mean it that way I'm being vague without giving details because 

Cristina: listeners this is a podcast of authenticity and integrity 

Joe: Now i'm grasping at straws to try to recover from that so We we met had a you know They did a demo.

They did a whole thing and everything And thought Maybe, maybe, but not sure. Sent us a [00:11:00] proposal. They sent a proposal. The price was like, Whoa, no, absolutely like off the charts. No. So we just said, no, no, no, it's okay. We're not going to do it. You know, your, the prices was, you know, we didn't think it was in that ballpark.

Do you know that, that, that salesperson? Came back and said Okay, let me sharpen my pencil and came back 50 percent less 

Cristina: Why would you even why would they even throw the first price out? Correct? 

Joe: I mean, I've seen Yeah, I spoke to my boss and I was able to feels a bit like 

Cristina: buying a car exactly And how come they didn't come back with questions?

Like, hey, thank you. What is what's most concerning to you about the pricing or what was it? What were you expecting? 

Joe: Correct. It was so dramatic. That I literally just said to to my my co worker person is full of shit I will not now I don't want to do business [00:12:00] with this company 

Cristina: period. Let me sharpen my pencil 

Joe: And so he said we said thanks for the update But we're still not interested and it was like why and I literally wrote back and I said I'm disappointed That you didn't even come close.

You did you think we would have like if we said yes initially, that's a massive profit You know, we're talking 

Cristina: And like, and like you were, you were able to drop that price, not even by like going to, you know, go, going to like the managers, managers, managers, you know, like, this just reminds me of like buying a car, you know, and like, and they're like, uh, let me see what I can do.

And they, they like. Basically spin around they don't talk to anyone and they're like, all right I talked to somebody and we could drop it 20 and then you're like, no, it's still not good. They're like, oh, you're really You know what? You're really giving me a hard time. Let me go talk to the manager They're like, you know what we could do 75 

Joe: That's what this was So, you know, he was that that person was grasping at straws, [00:13:00] you know, except that it was it was just Ridic, you know, it was so ridiculous.

But anyway, You bring up a good point because although you, you know, you're going to get somebody that will say, Well, no, you're not. Let's take that example where I said that someone might be listening saying, Yeah, but you didn't try all avenues, right? You know, might be what somebody would be thinking about.

And that's where, to your point, I want to get into, we want to get into, Be reasonable and now when you are in that desperation situation You need to stop step back and you have to start Looking at certain things, like, you know, how did we get into the situation? Look at yourself. Why am I in this situation?

What happened? See if we can, you know, and we can go through some examples, 

Cristina: but I mean, to me, the biggest thing is when you feel yourself and we've all been there. [00:14:00] And I mean, you know, you said some, you know, every so often in people's life, they may feel that you may feel this every day. You know, there may be moments in your every day where you feel a little bit like you're out of control and have that feeling of desperation.

It depends, and there's no shame in that. So I think, to me, the biggest thing is, like, when you have that moment, or when you are in, A period or season of life where you feel out of sorts and you feel a little bit desperate, maybe I think it's just about recognizing that and letting it be and taking a pause and saying to yourself, I'm not going to make any decisions feeling this way at this very moment until I've done a few things.

Right and some of those things and let's talk about some of those things but like Just checking that emotion of I feel desperate right now, or I feel out of sorts Here are a few things I'm gonna do to make sure that [00:15:00] I am discerning the right next steps so that I don't grasp at straws, where I grasp at the right straws.

If I'm, if I'm drinking, I grasp at a straw, but if I'm drowning, I don't. 

Joe: Get the straws out of the way so you can see what other tools you have in your, in your thing. So, um, I will say for me, like, I'm going to just say release excuses because very often, I know that, I blame outside forces. Oh, I know.

Cristina: It's 

Joe: your fault, 

Cristina: darn it. It's all my fault. All your problems. Right. So, well, because it's Actually, you don't usually blame me for your problems because I'm your favorite. That's right. 

Joe: That's right. Oh, God. 

Cristina: Mom, my brother. You have, you love to make excuses for them being your problems. But not me. Because I'm 

Joe: your favorite.

Boy, I'll tell ya. So, thanks for listening, everybody. I gotta go. No, kidding. [00:16:00] Sorry. No, but it's very important to see, why am I reacting this way? In other words, I try to look inward first and just say, why, what happened? What am I doing? What, what, you know, went on? And reflect on how I might have contributed to the situation.

actionable steps I can take going forward. Now, an example of that could be, let's use the salesperson example or, you know, for, for the time being. Maybe I need somebody else involved. Like, maybe a third person can Come in from another angle or 

Cristina: well, even just that's what you have, you know, your leadership and, and your counterparts and stuff for is to, you know, also kind of like when you're feeling that way, sometimes you need, um, you need kind of like your board of directors, right?

Or the people that you trust that you can bounce something off of to, to kind of say, Oh, hey, [00:17:00] okay, what do you think? Here's the situation. What would you do? Yeah, what do you think of this next step or what can 

Joe: you do? In other words, you know, hey, Christina, why don't you reach out? 

Cristina: Yeah, I kind of took this as far as I can take this.

Can you maybe take a different tact correct? You know something that you said about releasing excuses. I think is really powerful when you're in that Uh, you know, like in that feeling of desperation because there's something, uh, powerful about the idea that you have control because sometimes the excuses are blaming other people and feeling like other events or other events, right?

People, events, situations, external factors, whatever it is. Um, but sometimes. The excuses make you feel out of control because you don't feel like you have the ability to change things Right. So if you take I think responsibility for certain things and Some [00:18:00] ownership over what's happening. Mm hmm all of a sudden you are mentally in a place of empowerment versus being in a place of Reaction and you know, an inability to control anything.

Joe: Yep, and and we can never forget the fact that we are as talented as we may feel. We are and we may be very talented. We don't have all the answers and we are also what happens is the in my case. In most cases, the emotions well up so far. That it pushes away any rationality and anything else. And I, and I need that other opinion, the person who's not so intimately involved in it, you know?

So, so that's the, you know, probably the biggest thing is to get yourself out. Basically what I'm saying is take yourself [00:19:00] out of the equation and go talk to people. And don't be afraid that they're going to think you're weak or, or, or stupid or whatever. Find trusted people that you have and go there.

Yeah. 

Cristina: Um, I think shifting your focus is another thing that, you know, you can, and what can that look like? That can look like taking a walk around the block. It can look like doing some breathing exercises. I mean, I find like deep breathing to be. Super helpful. If you know, if you feel like you're in a point of overwhelm, um, it could be, you know, focusing on if you have pets, right?

Like, you know, taking a few minutes and giving them a treat, like shift your focus away from the um, The thing that is depleting you and I think sometimes then all of a sudden you can come back to that and you have kind of like a Renewed perspective. I don't 

Joe: like the exercise part. But other than that, I 

Cristina: think I didn't think you would appreciate [00:20:00] All right, let me put this in perspective that you would understand hold on let me see this is this is Textbook not knowing my audience here, Dad.

Um, go get some ice cream. There you go. Okay, right. Right? We haven't talked about Carvel in a minute. We haven't. Yeah. So, you know. Run over to your local Carvel, get yourself, you know, a big vanilla soft serve sundae with your black cherries. Black Bordeaux cherries. Black Bordeaux cherries. And your hot fudge and whipped cream.

No, no, no, no, no hot 

Joe: fudge. Oh, I messed that up. You can have a hot fudge sundae, but not with the cherries. 

Cristina: That's right. That's right. I messed that up before when I got you a sundae, I think. Yeah, you did. But it was still delicious. And then you let me eat it. So, um, so in the context you understand, go for ice cream.

Do something that you enjoy that takes your mind off of the situation. And 

Joe: in a business environment, just as aggravated or stressed or depressed or however you feel, Do something else. Yeah, just do something else for a while 

Cristina: And if you're in an office, it could just [00:21:00] mean taking a lap around the office going and talking to somebody that Generally is a positive person and influence that brings you up, right?

Joe: And if we link it to the first part bring other people in to get their opinion and so on be open To those other opinions, which also would change your focus, you know, because it's like, wow, I didn't, I never thought of it from, from that angle. I never thought of it this way. So very good. I like that. Um, the other thing I want to add, another thing to do along this way is to positive, start to you.

You know, try to move that emotional welling down by thinking positive, think of some of the good things going on around you. because, uh, that, you can get into a negative voice. [00:22:00] That starts to challenge everyone and everything. Yeah, it would never challenge the ice cream. That's why I like going to Carvel 

Cristina: No negativity That's right But it's true, I mean, you can use journaling or just, you know, take a piece of paper and write down a bunch of things that went well.

And I bet you as you start jotting those things down, you all of a sudden start seeing a pattern that could even be the solution to that thing that's making you feel desperate and out of control in the moment. 

Joe: Right. That's very, very true. And then, get with positive people. Yeah. 

Cristina: So, another thing is really getting in tune with the facts.

Mm hmm. Because 

Joe: sometimes Well, there you go. That's what all of this Yeah. I'm not cutting you off. I'm sorry. I love that. Everything we just said. We'll help distill you down to let's get to the situation 

Cristina: because oftentimes [00:23:00] when we feel like I know for me like a lot of times when I feel out of control, it's often because I'm letting my mind run away, right?

And my mind is just making shit up. My mind is like, Terrible idea. Everyone's gonna hate that. Like, you know, or it's right or it's like, oh, that person must think, you know, this about what you just said, or, you know, it's, it's your mind often inventing things that have not actually happened. And, you know, yeah, maybe somebody is thinking some of the things that are in your mind, but you don't know that.

And who are you to assume? So I think sometimes it's just like, really getting clear with the facts, whether that's writing them down, whether that's like, really trying to take it. Away the things that you're assuming and your own opinions and just putting down. Okay, like what actually happened? Like what is there and like what?

Looking at the facts may actually help you to figure out. Okay, like where do I go from here? Mm hmm without it being all of the the heaviness of your own opinions and the opinions You think [00:24:00] other people have and all these assumptions that you're making that are clouding your judgment and making you feel You know, like you're not going to be able to to get to the other side, right?

Joe: Right? Very good. That's right. And so basically If we realize, and, and I have learned this, and I think as you go through life you learn it, adversity is actually an opportunity for growth. There have been many times when I've thought, and I know that old phrase, you know, when one door closes another one opens, and so on.

Um, a lot of times it's true. Something, something happened that blocked you from a direction, but think about it. Usually it's a direction that you chose, or an avenue you chose, or a plan that you chose, or something you chose. Who the heck says that that was the right plan, or the right direction, or the right journey?[00:25:00] 

Sometimes that door closing shubs you in another direction. That's better, and a far better outcome. Than the other so think about that. It's also an opportunity if you do these steps you become a better person because now instead of wallowing in my depression and woe is me and all that I've reached out to other people I'm trying to follow if I do it right all those that I've reached out to others 

Cristina: we've already established we're not good at creating lists 

Joe: right but so by like to your point by adopting these practical approaches then we actually emerge stronger more resilient and probably probably a far better outcome because sometimes Stay with your prospect thing.

You think you wanted that client, that client could have been a nightmare, but because you couldn't get [00:26:00] it and you got practical and went in a different direction, you got a better client, more money. 

Cristina: Yeah, let him go that vendor that that vendor that sharpened their pencil may have really dodged a bullet not working with you, huh?

You're a tough customer 

Joe: I mean if you think about it, it's kind of silly it almost is silly like just take the price it was 50% But it scared me. It's like, well, what else are they going to pull like that? That's well, 

Cristina: you're also like, is this the real price? Or if I, if I challenge them again, will it be 50 percent less again?

Joe: I almost wanted to call them up and go, how about if you give us. You know, 100, 000 and then do 

Cristina: the survey. Like, you could have gone back to him. He starts at 100, 000. You're like, whoa, that was crazy. He's like, hold on. Here's 50, 000. How about 50, 000? And then you come back and you're like, I'll give you 5, 000.

And you're like, done. You see? Like, what's the actual price? I should have talked to more people. What value [00:27:00] does this actually have? Exactly. Exactly. So, you know. But I think, you know, to say something super cliche, um, and maybe Brad will edit this out as he's listening and rolling his eyes, but, I really think like, you know, every day you get to start over, right?

Like, with every sleep comes an opportunity for a new day. And sometimes you just need to sleep on things, you know, and you're right. Let the desperation make you feel such urgency and, you know, just that's, I think that's the biggest thing is just like, let yourself sleep on it because tomorrow is a new day.

and I think sometimes, that's not one of the things that we were talking about, but sometimes, uh, rest and a good sleep, all of a sudden, you know, gives way to a lot of answers that you have trouble finding too. Right. So. That's why I nap all day long. Yeah, you have many new days within a 24 hour period.[00:28:00] 

Joe: Why did the drowning man refuse to let go of the dictionary? was clinging at straws. He was hoping to find the word buoyancy. These are 

Cristina: very, did you find dad jokes that were relevant to our topic? I did. At least, I have to give you that this time. It's much better than usual. At least they're relevant.

Well, listeners, if you, I, you've made me want to just end here. I don't know if we were going to recap or anything, but, I think we're going to end here. I think we're just going to have to end here because I think I'm done with this. Sorry, listeners. It feels a little like you're grasping at straws for this episode, Ted.

Anyway, listeners, if you liked what you heard, please give us a follow, share with a friend if it's something that you think could be of benefit. And we love five star reviews, um, when you say something nice, it, it feels really good. So feel free to drop one of those, um, on [00:29:00] our episode if you feel so inclined.

Joe: Thank you. Wherever you are, whatever your story, thanks for spending time with us this morning. Now go and make a difference in your world.

And I am not going to give another dad joke during the conclusion. 

Cristina: Thank you. Thank you. Give everyone a break. Thank you. I promise. I hope you're being honest. Thanks for joining us, everybody. We will see you soon. Yes. 

Joe: Thank you.