Elevate Your Work-Life Harmony with Carrie Clark!

Episode 101 Carrie Clark 1
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Cristina: [00:00:00] Welcome to morning coffee and mimosas. I'm Christina 

Joe: and I'm Joe. 

Cristina: We are a father daughter duo. We come here Sunday mornings, but you can come here anytime you please. We banter about life, about business, and we do it over coffee and mimosas. Good morning. 

Joe: Good morning, Christina. 

Cristina: Good morning, Faj. What's so funny, is it my face? 

Joe: Uh, yeah, kind of. You look great. Good 

Cristina: morning, listeners. And this is an especially, especially happy morning because we have Cary Clark with us.

Good morning, Cary. 

Carrie: Good morning, Christina. Good morning, Joe. So excited to be here with you all. 

Cristina: We are thrilled to have you and it has been a minute since we have had a guest on. So thank you listeners for hanging with us with it just being the two of us. That must have been a Brutal [00:01:00] slog. 

Joe: How do you say that?

That's terrible. That's terrible. 

Cristina: Just kidding. 

Joe: We are awesome together, and when we have a guest, we rock it to the stars. So this is even better. To the stars. There you go. Okay. 

Cristina: Well, listeners, stay with us, because we'll be rocking to the stars. As Joe has said, fisting this morning, and before you judge me, I have a mug of coffee and a cup of a little glass of Prosecco.

So not getting too crazy. 

Joe: You have a mimosa. 

Cristina: I have a mimosa and I have a coffee. So I'm not, I didn't go to mimosas. 

Joe: So I only have my coffee. So one of us or actually, actually Carrie will be, saying intelligent things. So thank God for you, Carrie. Oh 

Carrie: my goodness. 

Joe: No pressure. That's a high bar. 

Cristina: So listeners, thanks for being with us this morning.

We get to be with Kari Clark. As we said, Kari is an author. She's a speaker. She is a leadership [00:02:00] coach and career strategy coach. So we are going to be talking today about a topic that is certainly near and dear to my and my dad's heart and inspired by Kari, which is saying yes to you and I am NOT gonna steal Kari's thunder, but I am gonna share that This feels super timely with us being halfway through the year if you can believe it and I don't know about everybody else, but I you know, I know dad we've argued about this right the idea of milestones and you've the fact that you don't believe in them.

But I love the rounding corners, like a new month, a new week, you know, that all of that inspires me to feel like you've got a fresh start. And I think the halfway point through the year is to me, June, because that's the fiscal year that I operate on. And I always it's a good time to check in right and say, Am I living the way I want to be living?

am [00:03:00] I inspired in what I'm doing personally and professionally? So, Kari, thank you for being here because with you now, we get to really delve into this. We get to dig into this topic and hopefully we'll all come away from this saying, Okay, do we feel inspired, recharged? And are we doing the right things?

Joe: I know we will be recharged. So Carrie, great, great to have you here. Oh, I 

Carrie: just love being here, guys. And I also love talking about the topic of saying yes to you. 

Joe: Great. 

Carrie: So Carrie, tell the listeners a little bit about yourself. Yeah, I am been in the corporate world like all of us here. And, there was a moment in time where I wasn't happy in my career.

The balance in my home life was crazy with two young kids and something had to give. But I also noticed that my co workers weren't happy or satisfied in what they were doing and how they were feeling and they were very stressed out. And it was very much that [00:04:00] hamster wheel feeling like I cannot get off of this.

What ended up happening is I just hit a low and something's gotta get better. so I really. One night when I was particularly not that thrilled to be hanging out, I found a coaching program and maybe somebody read my brain I didn't even know what coaching was or whatever, ordered the program and ended up working through it.

Maybe it was a six week program However, that just helped the inner work And to almost like improve the core, if we're working out, you're improving your, your mind space and your core so that you can, um, get better and better and get to a place where you're enjoying what you're doing at work. You're enjoying the people around you at home.

It really is a mind set shift. And that got me on the journey of, eventually. Becoming a [00:05:00] coach and then giving workshops and speaking to my internal employees and my company about stress and relieving stress and work life harmony and being able to say yes to the core of you because that's how we show up at work and that's how we show up at home.

And if we do not have the intention of saying yes to ourselves, if, uh, we do not put ourselves first, Instead of always on the back burner, we will run out of energy. That's why there's so much burnout. That's why there's so many things. And I just feel that order to impact more people, we just have to talk about it and we have to feel better about how we move forward.

And it's really the, how do I want to show up? what am I doing? How am I strategizing in my career to get what I want out of it? And it's, it's so important, but it starts with you. It starts with checking in with yourself and really deep diving further as to what you want. And there are ways to do [00:06:00] that.

That's great. I love that. 

Cristina: Yeah. Isn't it so true, like, you know, just kind of hearing about how this started with you being at a low point in your overall career and the fact that, you know, that coaching program that you bought into, right, and that you embraced, it really does prove that so much of this is an inside job.

Yes. and I felt that through the course, you know, when I've had, you know, moments in my career where I've really questioned, am I on the right path? did I make the right decision? do I like what I'm doing? And oftentimes, it's the way I'm looking at the situation versus the situation itself.

So I just love that. And I'm excited for this conversation. 

Carrie: Yes. Yes. When we really decide to drive versus being on the backseat. And just letting, Oh, maybe my work will get recognized. Maybe, you know, someone will recognize me and pull me forward and pull me up like, no, no more. You have to take it and, and drive, but the blinker on know that you want to go right and go right 

Cristina: and get 

Carrie: as far as you can [00:07:00] until you need to pivot.

But it's still with the intention is how you get that smile on your face and that pep in your step. And you want to move forward because you're driving you, 

Joe: right? Okay. Right. And so that would you agree that that actually helps you to when the inevitable obstacle comes or some delay or something when you're driving you, you're in control so you can accept that and make the detour and do what you have to do to continue on the direction you want to do rather than just being depressed and saying, Oh, nothing ever works out and all this stuff.

What does that make sense? Or am I? 

Carrie: Yeah, well, you're when you when you drive yourself when you build your inner car you 

Cristina: can tell them it doesn't make sense 

Joe: [00:08:00] When 

Carrie: you have the the inner confidence And you build on that for yourself and you have that, you know, routine of setting your intention when and inevitably it happens where something gets in our way or we didn't get the promotion that we wanted.

We didn't, you know, get to X, Y, Z. You will have the, the wherewithal, the awareness to pivot because you did so much of that work for yourself. 

Joe: Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. 

Cristina: So let's talk a little bit about you said there's kind of strategies and tactics you can take to Start to take ownership and start to take control of your situation your career your mindset How do you start?

How do you start? All right, like that's the hardest thing It's like all this sounds great. But where do you start? 

Carrie: Yeah, I agree with you and I think that you just need To really come to terms with yourself and really have be [00:09:00] aware of where you're at right now. I always believe in meeting yourself where you are and admitting this is where you're at.

It doesn't matter. It's not good. It's not bad. It just is. And acknowledging that and then looking at it from a strategy of resources like okay, what do I have around me that maybe will help me to grow, to learn. But more than that, I feel like you really have to sit down with yourself or maybe a coach or somebody else and really zero in on your values.

Because I feel like those are our guiding lights in our careers and our life paths that really help us focus more. And let's say you looked at a sheet of, you know, a whole bunch of different values and you took you took your top five. and you also rated them as like your highest value to your fifth value.

Um, that's all in well and good. How then closely are we living the values that we chose? You know, am I living a [00:10:00] high 10? Am I down by a one, but I really love this. It just, I'm not there yet. And you'll get to see your, um, your gap potential, in order to really be able to know how you want to move forward, how you want to grow.

That is the part. Finding the gap is finding how you want to steer and what's important to you, and I think that's where you start is by looking at those values, rating, how you're living within them, finding the gap, and then seeing how far you wanna move the gap up. And it doesn't have to be a two to a 10, it can be a two to a four or a three.

How are you gonna get a little bit better each day? And that's when you start to realize you're getting more in your trajectory as you live closer and closer to what your values are in your career. And then it spills into your home life too, which, you know, everything matters. 

Joe: Yeah, that's, that's a really good point because we're holistic.

So if you're unhappy at work, you bring that home. And if you're [00:11:00] disappointed at home, sometimes you bring that, you know, to work too. But I like that saying yes to you, you know, then. You're you're elevating your say you're Elevating your importance to your own self Yes, so you can Be more determined in where you're going I like that.

Yeah, yeah 

Carrie: when you fill your cup when you're saying yes to yourself, then you're able To then share with others if you're already, you know Down you you really don't have much energy to do much else, 

Cristina: right? I heard a quote at actually a retreat I attended a year or two ago that really, I just, First of all, it's really hard for me to remember a quote.

So the fact that I remember this means I loved it. And I remember it like word for word, which is, which is big, because usually I would start this conversation and say, remember a quote, it was something about, you know, something like this. So it was a really important one to me. And what the woman said during a yoga [00:12:00] class was, 

you can't keep other people warm by lighting yourself on fire. Holy. And, did you? Yeah, I love that. Like, listeners, if you could see me right now, goosies from like, uh, wrist to elbow. But you can't keep others warm by lighting yourself on fire. And I've felt like that so frequently. And I think, you know, what, what you talk about, Carrie, and I've heard, you know, we've had conversations about this.

And I love how you've taken the concept of work life balance and made it into something I think that makes more sense. say work life harmony, which I think is like just such a true term because we are one person, right? Like what's happening in our personal life naturally spills into our professional life and vice versa.

so really getting in tune with how do you fill your cup? How do you make sure that, we are feeling fulfilled? How do we get in tune with what those values are? Because otherwise, how do we [00:13:00] give to the people professionally or personally that depend on us? 

Carrie: Yeah. How do we, how do we find that?

And I don't know, just different, different parts of your career. You kind of just feel lost. And it's just, how do I bring that back to myself to understand? Like, wait, where am I at? And I also feel like. When you grow up and you then go to college, right? You're still under the wing of your parents or what your family wants you to do.

And then you get into a career and then it's what society wants you to do or corporate wants you to do. And we've never actually, I didn't learn or I learned the hard way. Like, where is my voice? You know, from a four year old, you have your voice and then like you lose it. So how, where is my voice? How am I going to get it back?

How am I going to say yes to myself? I've never learned that. Now I need the adult skills to learn. Oh shoot. Not only do I matter, I matter a lot and I'm going to do what lights me [00:14:00] up, gets me going. And I always tell like my clients, well, all right, maybe you don't like your job, but. What facets of it do you prefer?

And can you do more of that? Can you delegate some of the other things that are not, um, not lighting you up? And then, how do you take on those additional projects that do get exciting for you and show your, talents and your passion in that? Because that will get recognized the most because it's the energy that you bring the most to is, is how.

you are going to show up and then you will, uh, it'll just get contagious. That's 

Cristina: great. It's going to be noticed. I love what you just said about finding your voice because so often I question that myself and maybe don't you sometimes question like, okay, But why do I think that do I think that because I think that's what other people 

Joe: know other people tell me that no [00:15:00] Well, 

Cristina: we're telling you what to think 

Joe: No, but this is this is really good.

I want to I want to ask you a question because this is really good so you're in leadership, right and christina is and I am and But we weren't there. Well, you know, you have to get there, right? and to your point You I always thought, and again, I could be wrong, so you can tell me that it was just 

Cristina: You're wrong.

Joe: Okay, thanks. No. That it was just a Joe weakness, all right? But I always thought, like, if you were my bosses, let's say, that, you know, oh, I don't want to disappoint, I don't want to disappoint her, I don't want to disappoint whatever, blah, blah, blah. Okay, that's, that's fine. And that's valuable, okay, on one level.

But talking about linking this to saying yes to me, now that I'm a boss. I really, you realize that, that I'm not really paying attention to you 24 seven to be disappointed in you. And I have found [00:16:00] that I am more happy when an employee. says, Hey, I did this, you know, and took care of that. And I'm like, great, you know, whatever.

I'm not, it's not a negative, but I'm not thinking if you were my employees, I'm not thinking of you 24 seven. I'm not thinking of you, you know, and when you realize that you can say yes to yourself more frequently because you're then thinking of where you want to be and what value you can be. And you make those suggestions and you Say, you know, Joe, I, I would rather do this and I, and I already talked to Christina and she's going to do that. Is this making any sense? 

Cristina: Well, yeah. 

Joe: Right. In, in its perception. And I like what you're saying. If you say yes, so start saying yes to yourself and realize that other people that you think are thinking about you and are going to say, why did he turn left, uh, just a little bit when he should have done this way?

They're not thinking of that. They're looking at the [00:17:00] end result and what contribution you have, right? 

Carrie: Right. And it's how are you adding value? And you brought up a good point too, that when somebody, your, um, your team comes to you and said, I did this, I did that. And you're like, holy smoke, you did do this and you did do that.

You toot your own horn. You gotta, you gotta toot your own horn. You have to speak up, you have to speak up in confidence and it could be something small, but something you're proud of. And that goes just as far as this big old project. But leadership has to realize that, uh, they have to give the individual credit.

They have to be encouraging, keep going, keep going with that. You're doing great. You know, and then the employee will again, appreciate you for the times that you have to give them an assignment that you know they won't love as much, but they will appreciate you because you saw it. Them 

Joe: Correct. 

Carrie: And let them talk, speak up.

Joe: That's correct. Because that's the, oh, go ahead. 

Carrie: Sorry. Oh no, go ahead. You finished. No, I was 

Joe: gonna say that's the difference between a leader and a [00:18:00] manager. 'cause a manager, I can hold a gun to your head and make you do anything you want. You know, that you, I want you to do a leader. People wanna follow that leader.

Mm-hmm. , you know, and very often, um, I've done, and people do this, but I've done this in talks. to your point about this stuff, I've put a whole bunch of little, like, 1 plus 1 is 2, 2 plus 2 is 4, 3 plus 3, you know, just little additions. all the way down on a flip chart. You've probably done this, right? You know where I'm going with this?

No? Okay, just, just, okay. I literally, I literally will take, you will, 

Cristina: you will tell us, I'm sure. 

Joe: I am. Okay. Try and 

Cristina: stay away from mathematics in my presentation. Well, here's 

Joe: the thing. Do, do this in front of a large group. Okay. You put just, you say, you know what? I literally turn around and say, Oh, you know what?

I forgot to do something. Hold on a second. And I write. 1 plus 1 is 2, 2 plus 2 is 4, 3 plus 2 is 5, and I literally put about 20 calculations. Just simple. [00:19:00] And I purposely make one mistake. Like, I'll do Oh, that's good, because 

Cristina: I would not purposely make one 

Joe: mistake. I'll do like four 

Cristina: I'd be so afraid to make two.

Right? I'll put 4 

Joe: plus 3. These are just, you know, a little 4 plus 3, and I'll put 8. And then I'll put 5 plus 2 is 7. And invariably, somebody in the crowd will say, Oh, Joe, uh, 4 plus 3 is not 8, it's 7. And I go, oh, okay, thank you, and I cross it off. And then I turn around and I say, So, uh, what was this about?

And people looking at me, and I'll say, You know, I just did 25 calculations, and They were all correct. I did. But 21 of them was wrong. I did 26. One of them was wrong. And you only pointed out what was wrong as a leader. That's devastating because your employees are doing most everything correct. And it may not even be wrong, but it may have been just not in the way you would have done it.

Because it's the outcome as a manager that you want to [00:20:00] track, not the way they do it, unless there's a procedure that has to be followed. And to, you know, so as a leader, when you, when that employee, just like you said, does say yes to themselves and presents that something positive and you embrace it and thank them and whatever you, you're energizing them.

To do more and if they make a mistake or something Just deal with that in in proportion to everything else they did Right, you know, so that's why I love this thing. I love your topic. So it's great. 

Carrie: Oh, thank you Yeah, and it's really um boy when someone comes to you and they're proud of what they do.

That's an opportunity As a leader like you don't let that go by like, yeah, that's nice See ya. Uh, it is because you're empowering and you're encouraging them and they will then in turn build confidence. And I don't care how long you've been at the company. You might be a top performer. You might be just starting out.

It is totally the energy you bring [00:21:00] to your team is what they will give back to you. Tenfold. Yeah, 

Cristina: that's great. I like the idea that, you know, we're, we're bringing these things, like you said, You're not obsessing over what every single person on your team is doing all day long, right?

So they may be thinking like, oh, you know Joe's watching me, you know He is and if they if they've listened to previous episodes where you said, People shouldn't be taking an extra five minutes in the shower in the morning or That they shouldn't leave their desk. They would be right to think that right But you're not thinking about what they're doing every second of every day.

So if there is something that you're proud of, it's not boasting, right? It's it's bringing Something it's bringing somebody that you care about into something positive that you're excited about. Yes, and For me, as a leader, those are the most exciting conversations I get to have all week. , much more exciting than the conversations that are like, Ugh, Christina, I'm so annoyed about this, and this person didn't [00:22:00] do that, and, like, all the negative things that are happening, because that's often what's, what gets dropped on your doorstep, right?

And there's nothing wrong with that. But if there's things that you're like, hey, like, listen to, you know, the outcome here, and I thought about it because I thought maybe this is a, this is a process that the rest of the team could benefit from, or you know, hey, here's where we are now, like, What do you think about where we can go with this or you know, like those kind of conversations and then it's like those are those are the times that we can build something really cool together in partnership.

you know, as a team and that's where it's like, okay, how can I help to amplify what you're doing or support what you're doing or move a roadblock like that kind of stuff. But to your point, Carrie, like letting them shine and. take that credit publicly and all of that and just kind of like be there to watch and applause.

Carrie: Oh, yay. Watch and applause. I love that. I love that. Um, there are employees that, um, you know, maybe you're quieter [00:23:00] and they don't get to express themselves as much also. So you really want to be able to draw out their talents because maybe they're a numbers person. Maybe they like to put calculations on a whiteboard.

But, um, It's it's drawing them out in their strengths and putting them on projects that let them shine as well. totally different topic, but I was also, uh, asked to do like a communications and boundaries, workshop and talk coming up soon. And I was thinking like, you know, we are, we're all being framed.

And what I mean by that is the frame, like a picture frame, we're all judging and putting. ourselves in a frame box. And we're also judging our bosses and our leaders and our teammates and whatever. And how do we reframe so that we have a more positive spin in ourselves and what we the value we bring to the table and how do we reframe and express and then also see others in a different light and not just that [00:24:00] they got that one problem wrong, the mathematical equation wrong, but they got so much right.

And how do we bring that beautiful frame to light and let the inner person shine. I 

Joe: love that. You are good. I love that. Reframe because that's so true. That is excellent. 

Cristina: So what would you say, so we talked about getting started, the first thing that you're going to do is get in tune with your values and start to just really look at a bunch of like values down on paper and, or what comes to your mind as what speaks to you of who you want to be.

Sure. What do you do next? Once you kind of have an idea of your values, how do you start to like, how do you take somebody down that path 

Carrie: What I would recommend is when we're, uh, you know, you're working on where are those gaps? And not just where are those gaps, where are those gaps I actually want to grow and, and, and learn from and be better at.

Right? Because I don't, you're not going to be able to work at everything at once. There's just no way. Well, and that's 

Cristina: damaging, right? Like it'll be so [00:25:00] confusing. To overdo it. I found that like, you know, sometimes when I'm so ultra inspired, I'm like, I am just going to fix everything about myself. And then you realize that you crash and burn and fail because you can't do it all.

Carrie: Well, it's, it's about intention and concentration.

First and foremost, if you want to have concentration, concentration, what did I hear once I had ADD squirrel? Like, um, are you talking about me? I feel the majority. The majority of us, we have that, uh, you know, as adults. So looking at maybe the one or two things we want to improve on setting a goal. And it's like, I want to approximately get to the three things or five things.

You don't, If you set a full on number of three, you may or may not hit that. You say, you know what? Approximately two to three times a week. I want to hit X or do whatever. It'll make you feel more encouraged, but not as frantic. And such a [00:26:00] loser. You didn't get that opportunity or, Oh, I didn't do it this week.

I stink. No, no. Talk about reframe. Like, okay. So as you get the momentum going and track your progress, track those wins, whether you're writing them down in a journal, or, um, maybe you put it in your calendar, Outlook calendar, like, Hey, celebrate my wins for the week. What were my top three? If you just put that one simple thing in your calendar, you will have it.

continue to grow your positive influence and momentum for yourself, and then it'll continue on. After you do that, after you start getting the momentum there, then what you want to do is look at your boundaries. I'm a big boundary setter because I, so many of us just said yes, yes to so much. And when I say yes to you, say yes to you.

It wasn't, it wasn't, I mean, internally, you want to say yes to you, but you don't want to say yes to. All the other things Because then you have no time left to say yes to you [00:27:00] Because then you're at the bottom again, right and we don't want to do that. So what is saying yes to like a Important thing that's higher up on our value You know status that we can grow on that then that's um, just so helpful for us Okay, so if we're on the track of getting this section better, what am I what do I have to do?

weed out of my life, like we're weeding that garden, you know, you want to shine, you want that rose to grow? What am I taking out of my life that really doesn't serve me? Social, some social media, negative news. Yes, there's so many just things that Having awareness of what drains your energy versus what empowers or lifts your energy is a huge part of that inner journey that we're taking, uh, in saying yes to ourselves.

So cutting out that noise that we didn't need anyway, because society told us maybe we need to, but we don't really need [00:28:00] to, you know, what is it really important? To me and that is how you grow. That's how you say yes to yourself And that's how you're happier in your career. That's how you're happy in your life.

Cristina: So what I'm hearing What I'm hearing is you're kind of going back to those values with everything that you do So that becomes the filter by which you decide every single thing that you say yes and no to Yes, and how you're gonna set those boundaries 

Carrie: Yeah, it is. It is the filter. Your values are the determining factor as to what you're going to say yes and no to.

And there is that saying like, if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. And I talk about what is your hell yes, if it should we just 

Cristina: like 

Carrie: go 

Cristina: for like, say it like right now. 

Carrie: Hell yes.

Well, I'm working on saying hell no, because I say hell yes too much. Okay. But is it a true hell yes? Or is it like. Well, I guess if it if it helps you and maybe helps me, then I guess I'll say yes, it's I [00:29:00] know, I don't believe in that it's weeding through. Is this a true north for me? Is this a real yes? Or is this something somebody else wants me to do?

You're right, someone else's priority. It's their obligate, you know, they're obligating you to do that. Is that how does that feel like energetically? What is that like? It's like, well, not like 

Cristina: Right. 

Carrie: Yeah. Then, it's the hell no. And you have to practice. That I was really. Hell no. Hell 

Cristina: no. 

Carrie: Hey, hell no.

Oh my goodness. 

Cristina: Sorry. 

Carrie: Yeah. 

Cristina: Someone's got to say hell no around here, right? 

Joe: I know. 

Cristina: I know. It's not usually me. But it's going to be after this episode. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. . 

Joe: Love this topic. So, so let me ask you, how would you, um, every, everything that you are talking about is really eyeopening and wonderful and how, how do you now, if [00:30:00] you were hired by somebody, let's say to give a talk or whatever, how do you, what's your best way to express this and get this across 

Carrie: In In the heart of say yes to you, uh, we kind of start, uh, with jumping in with boundaries or really what are all the things on our to do list.

And I go in with a Jenga box. Do you like that game Jenga? Yeah. And I have somebody from the audience come up in front, hopefully they'll come up in front and hold out their hand and then I get from the audience all of the items that are on their to do list. good, bad things, they like things they don't, it's just stuff, all our stuff.

What are we doing? We're, we're putting those blocks one on top of the other, we're balancing them, they're getting to a tower, it's really huge. And then there's a certain point where they all fall down because you didn't have the the foundation of yourself to be stable. Or there's certain things that you do that are drained.

So the jangle box blocks in that tower start to pull out, [00:31:00] and we start to pull them and then your tower eventually falls down because you just have so many items stacked up on your own self. And you didn't you might not even know how you got there. But it's what can I do then now? And the audience will talk about building your foundation, building your confidence.

How do you get to, uh, to say yes to yourself? How do you get to live more in your values? And we talk about values. We sit for a couple minutes and think on our values. So it's not just me talking at. The group, it is us interacting. It's us being able to have that like self check in. And there's quite a few self check ins along the way.

And when in my talks, because I feel like it's, it's a, um, an experience that I want everyone to have, because we do not give ourselves the opportunity to, to sit with ourselves, to think about our values, to think about our, our compass and where we want to go in life, because we just are on that hamster wheel.

Like, [00:32:00] nope, you know, set the record off, stop, you gotta, you gotta start listening to your internal talk. And the other part is really, how do we talk to ourselves? And what are we saying? And how are we comparing ourselves to others? And is that really necessary? 

Joe: Right. Right. 

Carrie: Yes. Not necessary. Not necessary.

Not 

Joe: necessary. No. You're right. You're right. 

Carrie: We might have did that in high school, but that should not, uh, that's a hell no. That's a hell no. No more. Hell 

Cristina: to the no on that one. 

Joe: No, it's so true. And I, and I love your thing because we all have things to do and it's just easy to keep doing that.

Right. But. Until you, which I, I love the way you expressed it, but I won't, I won't express it as well as you did, but what I'm saying is, is until you figure out what your values are and where you want to go and what you, meaning saying yes to me, then you can kind of look at that list and say, yeah, no, you know what, it's, it's stacking [00:33:00] up and I'm not going to get where I want to go if I'm just doing what Someone else.

I'm not going to point to you guys, but you know, someone else wants, you know, you know, I'm saying, so that's really, that's powerful. That's very powerful. I like that Jenga thing because you'll put, I'm just going to do one more thing before I get to myself and the whole thing could fall apart. 

Cristina: Right. Hey, Faj, I mean, you know, none of this applies to you and I though, right?

Like if I ask you for something, it's a priority. Okay. 

Joe: Oh, yeah. 

Cristina: Just so you know, it's like I told you, I'm afraid of her. Yes, for me, right? 

Joe: The two women I'm afraid of my wife and Christina. So 

Cristina: I just want to be clear, you know, when when it comes to me asking you for something, just go like, la la la la, I heard nothing from Gary.

Drop everything, dad. Yeah, that's it. Because my priorities are your priorities. That's correct. Okay, just. making sure we have that under control before we proceed forward. Check. Check. Check. 

Joe: Carrie, do you do counseling? [00:34:00] I need you. 

Cristina: But this is an important message, though, for, you know, people also with children, right?

And you're balancing children. And sometimes you have really demanding, just awful, awful children that maybe dad. Like me, that you need to learn to say, hell to the no, Christina. Did you not just hear Carrie? It's hell no. Yeah. 

Joe: But I'm afraid of you. No, I 

Cristina: won't go walk your dog. 

Joe: But it doesn't take away, because you know, I'm sure you've had criticism from people potentially that say, well, that's all well and good, but I have two children.

I have this. I had all that. And you have all that. Right. And the thing is, it doesn't, that's obviously an important thing and a priority and a step stuff that have, but it doesn't take away from any of that because just like the garbage has to go out, you know, twice a week, it doesn't take, take away from it and things like that, but it does help you to put it in the right box and the right [00:35:00] perspective and say, okay, it's a task that is a maintenance task.

You know, life is a lot about maintenance. You know, there's stuff that just has to happen or things don't go on. But that doesn't take anything away from what you're doing because there's the level around that and above it of saying yes to me and where do I want to go? You know, if you want to, like I was an accountant, so if I wanted to be an accountant, I had to go to college for an accounting degree.

No choice. I didn't want to go to college. I didn't want to study. I didn't want to, but guess what? Gotta do it. So you suck it up and you do it so that you can get to where you want to go. So 

Cristina: that's a great lead in to something that I think is important for, for us, for the listeners is how do you make this actionable?

Right. And I think Carrie, you gave so many good actionable tips getting in tune with the values, right? Filtering things by those as things come about saying hell to the note of the things that aren't the hell. Yes. There's [00:36:00] work, obviously, with everything worth having, there's work, and you need to commit to these things.

And I would imagine, you know, you mentioned in the very beginning here, the work that you did in embracing a coaching program that helped you to really work through this in your own world. Um. Um, what is the work that if a listener is saying, okay, what kind of commitment do I need to make in order to seeing change?

What's the work that you say? Like, like, what's the investment for somebody? And I'm not talking about a financial investment, but like what kind of time because for me, I think that's the thing where everyone's like, Oh, but do I have time for self development? Do I have time to focus on this? Like what does it take?

Yes. Yes, you do. 

Carrie: Yes. I love 

Joe: that. Yes, you do. 

Carrie: Yes, you do. Because when you're putting your, yourself as the priority, then. Those other stuff, the commitment is, it's you you're committing to, and the other stuff will have to be prioritized in different ways. Uh, Transcripts You know, so that you improve and I'm not saying like the time [00:37:00] commitment It could be two or three times a week that I'm working on this particular thing And you know an average of so and you're putting it in your calendar and you're prioritizing yourself And you're seeing it every day Sometimes it's just a simple sticky note on your computer will help you to realize.

Oh, yeah, you know Don't put yourself Second, don't put yourself last. This is my commitment. If you wanted to lose weight, suddenly you have to focus and you have to commit. And you, and suddenly that is your driving force because you want it in your heart. And so that way you will move forward. But in order to figure out what's in your heart, you still have to weed.

You still have to Focus on your values. You still have to zone in on where, um, where you want to be because you got lost somewhere along the way and you want to, you want to move forward in a new way, right? It doesn't have to be what your old person was the new way. 

Joe: You're good. [00:38:00] That's it. And yeah, again, I'm sorry.

Cristina: No, I was just going to say, what would you say are those weekly practices that are non negotiable that you have to do to make progress? 

Carrie: Well, I honestly, I feel like it depends on the individual because if someone wanted to be a marathon runner, there's definitely different things than, you know, like me, I don't run unless a bear is chasing me.

So you guys have that in common. 

Joe: Yeah. When I see people running, I'm like, wait, what happened? What did they do? He's 

Cristina: like, where 

Carrie: are the red and 

Cristina: blue lights 

Carrie: behind them? So to that point, um, it's, you know, what you're making a, as a priority to yourself. And I can only use myself as an example. What's important to me is movement every morning, getting out in nature.

Not everyone loves nature, but for the, for the people that do, um, you know, getting out in nature and movement, especially because so much of our day is [00:39:00] tied to this little device called called the phone or the computer. And it's, um, in, in movement, movement in action is another way to put energy towards what you want and what you will want to accomplish.

Um, so for me, it's that, and then it's also, you may be, um, I don't know if you see my Instagram, it's, it's all about intention. Like today's intention is blah, blah, blah. and it's because when I start my day with intention, I call it, set it and forget it. So maybe it's as simple as setting an intention for yourself every day.

Um, because that'll be like that guide for the day. And it's simple. It takes two seconds to do. and it's worth a lot. 

Joe: um, I agree with you a thousand percent, excuse me, knowing. What you want to accomplish in a day sets the focus, the intention, and we all waste time. And, and all of us, not, not you, Carrie.

Oh, I do, I do. I 

Cristina: do. Why didn't you say not me? That's rude.[00:40:00] 

Joe: Um, there is, there is plenty of time in the day, and a million people have said this, The most brilliant people that have accomplished, started companies, run countries, do all this other kind of stuff, they all have 24 hours in a day. It's just that if, if you come home grab a beer, sit in front of watch, you know, I find that I'm not a sports fan.

I don't care about sports. That is the best benefit that I have had in my life. Because I 

Carrie: care about sports. 

Joe: I don't. Yeah, I say hell no to sports. I don't sit on Sunday morning and watch football or Sunday afternoon or I don't even know when the games are. I don't care. 

Cristina: They're, they're, they're not Sunday morning.

Well, actually, now they are a little bit. 

Joe: Okay. My point is, and I'm just saying, if you just look at how you, how, not you, how people waste time and just get rid of a few of those things. There's plenty of [00:41:00] time to do all your intentions and to say yes to yourself and to get it done 

Cristina: And he schedules about 15 minutes Monday morning to catch up on what all the sports fanatics watched all weekend No, I don't.

I don't care. So that you can talk to people. I've seen you try and have conversations with people that do like sports. 

Joe: No, guess what? That's 

Cristina: because you read about it in the newspaper. Here's 

Joe: how stupid sports are because I don't even catch up and I just hear them talk. And nine times out of 10, if the defense was any better, they would have scored more.

And I go, yeah, that's exactly right. You know, like they didn't have a good defense. I don't even know what I'm talking about. They probably know that you 

Cristina: don't know what you're talking about, too. They do. 

Joe: They do. Because everybody that knows me knows I don't give a damn. So they just leave me out of the whole conversation.

And it's great. But anyway, it's not about me. It doesn't waste your time. It doesn't waste my time. But it 

Cristina: doesn't fill your cup. So you said, I'm only using 

Joe: that silliness as an example, that there are things that we all do that we could stop that is not going to change our lives. Yeah. And change it in the direction that you encourage.

Yes. Say yes to you and you have the direction and [00:42:00] you have the time. 

Carrie: Absolutely. And can I just say one more thing? You could say a million things. I don't know. But saying yes to yourself can also be not spending the energy, the time, the effort. And I guess this, uh, kind of came to mind as you were saying, like, I'm not going to change.

Like you cannot change others. So if you feel like you're going to, if my kid only did this, if my coworker was only better at this, if they stopped bugging me about this, that's a time. Zap, that is a time waster. It's an energy waster. We don't want to waste our time with people that, or thoughts really, uh, we have to control our thoughts guys.

So if we're thinking more and more about them and the, and that everybody else, you, you're not concentrating on yourself. Then you get further and further and further away from you and your priorities and the love of yourself. And you're focusing on these things that you, it's like, it's like hitting your head against the wall, like a brick wall.

Joe: You're exactly right. That is, that is brilliant. And you'll find that when [00:43:00] you do focus on yourself and stay in that direction and accomplish what you want, you attract people. The people that you want to be with you will be attracted to you and want to know, how do you do what you do? They'll notice you.

I can't make Christina noticed me, if you know what I'm saying, if I try. 

Carrie: You've tried. 

Joe: I've tried. 

Carrie: Hey, over here. 

Joe: Right. And so now, I just go about my business, and then she says, wait, I need the dogs walked. I better, let me go see what Dan is doing, you see? So she comes to me. 

Carrie: You attracted her by 

Cristina: just being your own, right?

When I don't get your daily, when I don't get a daily, like, I love you message after like four days. I'm like, Hey dad, am I still your favorite? What happened? 

Joe: So, but, but I just, you're, you're brilliant. You really are. You, you have really encapsulated in, in whatever time we've. We've had here. I, I'm, I [00:44:00] really appreciate you.

Tell us how much 

Cristina: time you're so analytical with 46 

Joe: minutes and 28 seconds. 

Cristina: But I absolutely agree. And I love that whole concept because like we go back, this is an inside job. And so much of what makes us happy or unhappy is the way that we react and respond to the world around us. And you're so right.

, we can't change other people. All we can change is the way that we look at it. And I think that what I find from that, Carrie, is when you change the way that you look at Instead of the judgment of how somebody else is being or why they did something different than you would have done it or What what I've dealt with is assuming intent, right?

Like assuming that if somebody did that they must be goes back to what you were saying dad, people aren't obsessed with you, you know Nobody's thinking about you. Maybe somebody is thinking about you But nine out of ten times you're in your own head and nobody else is [00:45:00] So, just kind of having that mentality that like, stop being so self centered.

Nobody else is thinking about you. And what they did isn't about you, it's about them. 

Joe: And that's why saying yes to you is not being self centered. But that's because when you're self centered, I'm worried about, Oh, I don't know if Carrie liked me. I don't know if Carrie liked me. Whatever. Whatever. You're not even thinking about me.

I'll let you know after. We have to have a 

Cristina: conversation about that actually. 

Joe: Well, I found out that you do like the beach and I don't, so sorry about that. 

Cristina: I'm just 

Carrie: kidding. Well, it's the, the, the self centeredness is the ego based way of thinking and, and why, you know, does everybody like me? Am I? No, who cares?

gives a crap, who likes me, 

Joe: all 

Carrie: that matters is if you like yourself. And then you'll attract, like Joe said, those people in your life that, that will lift you up. And, and, and also when you're building that block back up is to have that support system of lovely people around you, your, your mentors, your friends, if leadership lifts you up, or if, if you can find an, an outside [00:46:00] mentor or an in person mentor.

internal mentor in your company, or an association that you're involved in, jump in on those opportunities, because that would be your safer, happy place to kind of talk through where you want to be and where you want to go. And, um, and to have that support system is so key in that career journey in that life journey.

Just make it part of it. Beautiful. 

Joe: Beautiful. Yeah. Well, hell to the 

Cristina: yes to this episode. Right? 

Joe: What a great episode. And listeners, if you're saying 

Cristina: hell no right now, then you know what? Turn us off. And you're not our people. No. We didn't attract you. 

Carrie: No. 

Cristina: I'm just kidding. Maybe the next episode will be for you then.

It'll 

Carrie: be really. That'd be great. 

Cristina: You're gonna love it. But I say hell to the yes to this topic. And Carrie, thank you for being with us today. This was so much fun. It really was. Thanks for giving me somebody to have a mimosa with. Cheers to us. And listeners, cheers to this being an awesome [00:47:00] new beginning for you.

Carrie, how can our listeners engage with you? 

Carrie: Yes, well, you can find me on LinkedIn at Carrie Clark CPC. And also, my website, www. sayyes2, which is the number 2, you. com. Awesome. 

Cristina: And listeners, Carrie will be linked in our show notes, so if you didn't get that written down real quickly, which you probably didn't because you might be driving or mowing your lawn or I don't know what you do when you listen to us.

Maybe you're also having coffee and mimosas, hopefully, but then you may be like me, double fisting, unable to grab a pen and write that down. So it will be in the show notes. And, um, if you liked what you heard, please like, subscribe, follow, whatever the thing is these days. Share with a friend if you think this would be helpful for them.

And , tune back in because we are going to be coming to you with a lot more fresh new content in the coming months. 

Joe: Very much. Wherever you are, whatever your story, thanks for spending time with us this [00:48:00] morning. Now it's Go and make a difference in your world.

See, now's now's the time that, you know, I shove in a dad joke, but I pretty, I was literally not 

Cristina: thing because I thought that we made it without one and I was like, this is the best day ever. 

Joe: But when do you know that a dare joke is a when do you know it's a bad, a dare joke. When it's a parrot , 

Cristina: then I don't.