One Step at a Time

Episode 96 One Day at a Time
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Cristina: [00:00:00] Welcome to Morning Coffee and Mimosas. I'm Kristina. And I'm Joe. We are a father-daughter duo. We come here Sunday mornings, but you can come here anytime you please. We banter about life, about business, and we do it over coffee and mimosas. Faja! Good morning. Good 

Joe: morning. How are you today? I'm good. How are 

Cristina: you? 

Joe: I'm good. We're well fed. Well, refreshed. 

Cristina: I don't feel refreshed. I feel, I feel, I feel very fed, very well. Good morning listeners. Yes. Good morning. Hopefully you're refreshed and well fed, as well. It's good to be with you and we, uh, we have not gotten to do this as often as we would like lately, but when we get to do it.

But we are very, very happy and hopefully you guys are sticking [00:01:00] with us and happy to see Morning Coffee and Mimosas pop up on your, on your podcast page 

Joe: again. That's right. That's right. Should be better after the holidays, but it's been very crazy busy for 

Cristina: all of us. Yeah. This year's been a doozy. I know.

Joe: But. Good year at the end. 

Cristina: Yeah, it's been, it's been an interesting year. It's been, there's been a lot of good. It's been a challenging year. Um, I talk, I feel like I talk to a lot of people, and a lot of people, I don't know, this feels like it's just been a weird year, and maybe it's one of those years where, I'm coming to terms with like getting older, and time is just Feeling like it's going faster.

I can't even imagine how fast time is going for you because I feel like I'm on like, three X time. You must be just like, do you just blink and the year's gone? Yes. It's kind of like your rape at your ripe age. Oh, stop it.

Like, what does it feel like for you? For me? [00:02:00] It feels like I don't even have an opportunity to really look forward to things anymore, because the second I think, oh, that, that's far away, it's here. 

Joe: Well, this is good, because it'll, it'll flow into what we're going to talk about today. See, like, it's like, Monday, I'll say, oh my God, it's Monday morning, and I blink, and, and then it's Saturday morning, and I'm, I'm home, like, where did the week go?

Cristina: Like, and the whole week is just basically an out of body experience, where you're doing all the things, and going through all the things, and then, you know, Gosh, how do we get better at just being present and slowing down? 

Joe: Well, you do that by being present and slowing down. 

Cristina: Of course, you're very literal with this.

There's no magic bullet, it's just being present and slowing down. 

Joe: You know, and this is, this will all make sense hopefully, but we didn't even plan this opening. We planned 

Cristina: this to show. We're actually not sure that any of this is going to make sense. I think it makes sense. We're never sure that any of this is going to make sense, but we keep faith.

Joe: Right. I will say that as I've gotten, you know, older and stuff and[00:03:00] I really believe that a lot of people think too much about things. And you should just do it. Like, so in other words, I really gotta stop eating so much. Well, then stop eating so much. You know, I, I really have to, you know, do whatever.

Well, then do whatever. But I think a lot of us like to kind of spiral and think about and what, and, and then when it comes time to Do the thing that we keep saying we don't want to do well That's the hard 

Cristina: part because everybody is so fatigued from having thought about it. So much like they're like, you know what?

I'm just over I'm 

Joe: just like well, why don't you stop going to the deli every morning and buying that that you know cream cheese bagel? So, anyway, nothing to do about a cream cheese bagel, there's nothing wrong with a cream cheese bagel. 

Cristina: How did you even get to a cream cheese bagel? That's not something that you would eat.

Joe: No, I can't eat it, but there's someone in my office that every, every morning when I go in to see her, she [00:04:00] has a cream cheese bagel and I'm like, Oh God, that looks so 

Cristina: good. So if you were able to get on gluten for like a 24 hour time span, would that be? On your bucket list of things to eat. I don't know about a bucket list, but it her cream cheese bagel be, uh, She would buy one for me.

Joe: She would buy, no. Give her money every day 

Cristina: and she'll buy me one. All of a sudden she walks back into her office and it's gone. She assumes it wasn't you because you're gluten free. 

Joe: That happens to the candy bar. She has it in her office.

Cristina: Oh, man, we've gotten off track, 

Joe: but I know we have, but no, but it's actually not too bad off 

Cristina: track. It's not it. We kind of, we kind of did set this up a little bit listeners, but I have to make a 

Joe: comment about you calling me old, you know, because I went to the liquor store the other day and the guy behind the counter carded me.

He wanted my driver's license. And when I opened my wallet. A blockbuster card fell out and he went, okay, nevermind. [00:05:00] 

Cristina: Was that a dad joke? Of course it was. That one was a little sneaky. I wasn't sure if that was an original or if that was a dad joke. 

Joe: As soon as he saw the black birthday card, he's like, yeah, you're 

Cristina: old.

Okay. Nevermind. I am so happy when I get carded places and I feel like I went out with, we had a girl's night, um, Friday night and we all got in line for this one restaurant, like bar. That had all Christmas drinks and stuff and they asked for my ID and like they wouldn't let me in until I gave it to them and I was like, I love you.

I think that this is like an insurance liability thing for why you're doing it. Because I've certainly walked up to other places where they're just like, I pull my ID out and they're like, no, no, go ahead. I'm like, this is rude. Very rude. 

Joe: Please tell me I look younger than 21. Please tell me. 

Cristina: Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. So anyway, um. Today listeners we I [00:06:00] swear we're gonna get to it. We've you know, it's been a while So we've got a lot to catch up on from a morning coffee mimosas standpoint here We've missed out on some antics week after week. So it's you know But today we're gonna talk about something that I think is timely with the holidays literally Like around the corner or as we were talking about, like, with, you know, my age now and my dad's very, very ripe age, just a blink and they're going to basically be here and gone.

And this is a time of year that there's just like so much on everybody's plate. I, I certainly like feel that overwhelm at times when, you know, like I'm hosting Christmas and we're thinking about all the things that have to happen and it's year end with work and, you know, planning for next year. And you just.

Start to start to kind of get that like overwhelmed to the point where you could If you don't regulate it [00:07:00] just feel like you need to just shut down right and turn everything off Right what we want to talk about today Is how do we prevent that like what are things that we could do to make it so that you know as you're kind of getting overwhelmed and as that anxiety starts to kick in and so frequently that's happening because we're getting ahead of ourselves right right because we're starting to like, just picture things in the future or think too far ahead and think about scenarios and challenges and things like that that You May or may not actually happen right 

Joe: and you're worrying about them already even though it's 

Cristina: down the road, right?

so you have all these competing words in your head about like all the different scenarios and all the different things and today we're going to talk about the importance of That like planning and picking that one next thing that has to happen and like the gift that that can give each of us in our lives to [00:08:00] free ourselves from the worry and from the constant feeling of like, well, what's next?

What's next? What's next? To have that plan and just be able to tackle the next thing that has to happen, 

Joe: right? Do it one step at a time and and worry about that one step that you're taking not The, the, the future of 20 steps ahead, what could possibly go wrong? 

Cristina: Yeah. Because we have enough to worry about just what's right in front of us.

We do. Rather than creating things that don't exist. 

Joe: Yeah. And, and that's where you're, you're a hundred percent right. A lot of the stress comes in. It's about worrying about the future that you can't have any control over because You, if you would just concentrate on what you plan to do and take it one step at a time, you'll get there or you'll get into the right spot whenever, wherever that is.

Cristina: Exactly. So as I [00:09:00] was thinking about this and just like looking at the way that I've managed the last few weeks, um, I think about like the clarity and manageability of things when I like. You can't do this without having a plan so right I talk a lot I don't know if we've talked on the podcast about this before but a first step for that for me is Just doing like when you get to that state of complete overwhelm just literally Brain dumping every single thing on a piece of paper, right?

So it's like out of your head You don't have to think about it anymore because you've put like every single like all of those fleeting thoughts or the things or the to do List everything just on a piece of paper So that you could actually like see it in front of you right 

Joe: and or and then you can organize it into the steps that you need to take in order to accomplish a What it is that you have to accomplish in that, in that way.

Well, 

Cristina: right, and it's not even the steps, right? Like, once you have everything [00:10:00] dumped on paper, then you start to realize, like, what are the things that are actually right in front of me? Like, what are the things that have to get done? And then there's sometimes other things that are just, like, nagging at you, or that pop into your head that are, like, you know, They're not something you have to prioritize.

It's something that's, you know, a month out or two months out that you don't need to be thinking about right now, but you get nervous when you don't, you know, when, when you've got all this stuff in your head, you get nervous that, oh, shoot, am I going to forget that, though? 

Joe: It comes back to planning again, like we talked about, and, um, many of you may have heard of Zig Ziglar.

He passed away a while ago, but he was a fantastic, uh, public speaker and sales trainer and all that. Uh, look him up if you don't know who he is, but Zig Ziglar was fantastic. We actually met him many years ago and it was, well, let me see. It was 20, we met him 23 years ago. Wow, 

Cristina: yeah, I was just a wee babe.

You were a wee 

Joe: babe and So [00:11:00] you must have been what about 13 13 years old or so? Yeah, so Anyway, he he was famous for talking about the whole idea of when the chaos you have sometimes of everyday life and you're worried about this and worried about that and he used to say Well think about when you're gonna go on vacation He said, what do you do when you go on vacation?

All of a sudden you say, okay, I booked a vacation on January 2nd. We're heading to, um, we're going to go to Paris, France on vacation. So what do you do? You immediately start to prioritize and you put everything together. You know, we got to pack the clothes. I got to have this. I have to have that. Do I have all this?

And you, you map it out and you start to do one step at a time. And he said, that's what you have to do. But, and I'm paraphrasing him, but that's what you have to do, like with a lot of things, is just plan and then take it one step at a time. Like you can't worry about, will there be [00:12:00] traffic at the airport on January 2nd.

But people do. They start going, what if there's traffic, what if there's this, what if there's that? Well then you set the time, leave an hour earlier than you thought you were going to leave. But you booked that in already, and then you're set. And that's to your point, is that we worry about the future, but mostly we worry about the future because we're too confused and unorganized about the 

Cristina: present.

And it's, it's one of my, like, I don't want to say pet peeves because, we're all guilty of it at different times. You know, if you've ever talked to a person that, you know, is, is fixating and, you know, and, and really, like, just clinging to, like, I have a friend that, it's natural, right? Like, this is just how they are programmed to, like, you know, be their, their major planner.

They think through things, but they also create issues before they happen. So, the conversations that we'll be having will be [00:13:00] Really not productive because the conversations are about hypotheticals Yeah, like well, what if you know, it snows on on Christmas and we can't get to the party Well, then that's what happens, right?

Right, you know like you can't I think part of it is like Really thinking about the things that are within our control and, and taking that next logical step on the thing that's within our control, because we can't control the weather. We can, we can do our best to plan and, and, you know, kind of, make contingencies, exactly.

But at the end of the day, we can only control what we can control. So dwelling and, and thinking about, well, what happens if I have a delayed flight, what, all of these things that you can't, It takes precious brain energy that you could be using to be making positive momentum on the things that you can control.

Right. That's right. I think that's, that's the biggest thing that like, what is that [00:14:00] one next logical step that you could take on any of the things that are important? Mm hmm. And don't think much further than that. You've thought as far as you need to think in the planning stage that happens first That's right And once you've planned and you've put it on paper and you figure out the things that do need to be your priority Then your, your brain is liberated to only think about that next logical step on each thing.

You're right. And once you check that next logical step out, then you can decide if the step that came right after is still the next logical step in order or does that 

Joe: change. And, and the beauty of what you're saying is how many times have you planned something? You, you know, you want to do something, and let's not use a vacation or something where you're going to, you're obviously getting on a plane and going somewhere or driving somewhere.

But think of something that you want a certain outcome, and then you worry, worry, worry, worry about that outcome. And yet, if you're taking every step one step at a time, how many times have [00:15:00] you noticed That may be five steps, and I'm, you know, we're, we're simplifying this, but five or six steps into it, all of a sudden the goal you thought you wanted is not really in, like, realis either not realistic, or you could have, you could surpass it.

But you were worrying about something that may or not ha may or may not happen, or could have a better outcome. You have to take each step at a time and the other thing is how many times have you gone into work and you said I'm this is great I got I'm doing this this this this and this today and I'm getting that done and then how many things blew up this problem happened that happened yep and all that and I know that myself sometimes it's like I look and oh my god everything I wanted to do today Completely got shot and, and you kind of, you're in that state of, wow, now [00:16:00] these new things.

Yeah, 

Cristina: like WTF, what happened today. And 

Joe: sometimes you can get overwhelmed and start to worry about that future goal or worry about the future. And I try really hard, and it is hard sometimes, because sometimes you just want to throw in the towel, like, and say, this has been a waste today and it's done. But you have to kind of regroup.

To your point. that paper that you wrote down, and now nothing is crossed off, right? Um, regroup and find that maybe some new opportunities came in or new changes or this or that and play it out that way. But that prevents you from being stressed and nervous. about the future because you're handling it one day at a time.

Well, 

Cristina: and that same point rings true for dwelling on anything, right? The dwelling on the past. Because in that moment, right, when you look at your to do list or you look at what you had as your priority for that day and you realize that everything got blown [00:17:00] up for whatever reason it is, um, now it's, you, you've got to just be like, okay, today wasn't the day.

And move to, you know, move it to the next day, right? Like move it forward and just always think in terms of like, okay, what is the next, the first next logical step? And let me take that action because. So often, how often, like, I've been there where, you know, you literally are, like, defeated at the end of the day because you're, like, brain dead, and you're looking and you're like, well, that one thing that was so important that I really said I wasn't going to complete this day until I got it done isn't done, and my brain is just mush right now, so, you know, I'm not going to be much good to actually make progress on this.

So, like, at some point, you kind of just got to give yourself a pass and say, okay, you Today wasn't the day, not beat yourself up and just continue to focus on, okay, what is that first next logical step and just take action on that. 

Joe: Right. But [00:18:00] my problem is, I think the last year and a half I've said today wasn't the day.

Every 

Cristina: day. Every day. Well, at some point that goes back to what did you say when we started? When people are like, Oh, you know, I think I'll maybe die it this year. I just have to do it. I just 

Joe: have to do it. Maybe I should start doing it. I 

Cristina: think at some point you have to take the action Look at some point maybe day like 364.

Let me just make sure you did 

Joe: Is it bad for the podcast for me to give advice and say like? Don't set goals, that way you're never disappointed. I 

Cristina: feel like, I don't know. I mean, that's maybe positive advice for somebody. 

Joe: People say, Joe, why are you so happy? I say, because I don't, I don't, I don't set any goals.

You have no expectations for yourself. I have no expectations, so I haven't disappointed myself today. 

Cristina: Have you, who else have you disappointed though? Everybody? Probably. Everybody around 

Joe: you. Yeah, I don't care. I'm happy. What 

Cristina: do they say? You know, what other people say about you is none of your business.

That's [00:19:00] right. You're just like blissfully ignorant. 

Joe: Like are you disappointed in me? You are? Yes. 

Cristina: That's right. I'm happy. I am disappointed in you, Posh. I'm just kidding. I kid, I kid. Well, it's 

Joe: like mom is really disappointed with me because I have no sense of direction. Oh, here we go, it's another dad joke.

So I packed up my stuff and write. What? Mom was disappointed in me because I have no sense of direction. So I packed my stuff up and write.

It's really bad if I have to explain the dad joke. 

Cristina: I mean, maybe other people got that. I certainly 

Joe: didn't. I have a feeling nobody else got it. 

Cristina: Now that everyone's turned the podcast off, because they were like, wow, you finally got to the meat of your episode. 

Joe: Yeah, I've been tracking our statistics and every time I tell a dad joke, it plummets and then it comes back.

It's like, all right, we're going to give them one more try out a dad joke, boom, down. 

Cristina: It's just really [00:20:00] unfortunate because it's hard to even tell when they're coming now. Like, I'm trying to give the listeners an opportunity that they could skip ahead if they wanted, if I could just, just let them know that it's, it's near, but I can't even, I can't even quite predict when they're coming anymore.

I've been so sophisticated. 

Joe: Yeah. Yeah. That's my worry, is my joke gonna come off well. 

Cristina: Well, it usually doesn't, so you can stop worrying about it. Just know that it usually doesn't land.

Joe: So on your example of, uh, you know, worrying about things and worrying about things in the future. And so what would be, what would you say would be step one? Get it? I like that. Step one. Of helping someone to stop worrying about the future so much. Plan for the future, obviously set goals and all that stuff and have a plan.[00:21:00] 

But what's step one of 

Cristina: so I'm going to give you two, two things that I think are really important for you to be in be in a position that you can do that effectively. The first is like what I talked about that just getting that brain dump, because I think when we're in a state of overwhelm, it's just so important to get things out of our head.

I mean, I've had that where I wake up in the middle of the night in like a panic, and I just, I take my phone out and make a note and put everything down, and then I find I can actually sleep. Okay, good. But, so getting it out on paper, that way you can actually see what you're dealing with, and you can start to decide, like, what's time sensitive, what's not.

you know, what, how long we'll think, like all of that good stuff and then the once you've broken out the things that have to get done and you know what those, what the priorities are, putting the steps, like what are the actions working backwards from, you know, like your example of a vacation, like what are the things that have to happen?

That way, you know, [00:22:00] What is that first next logical step because you have to know what that right first logical step is, right? So part of it is that groundwork right there 

Joe: not to interrupt you but that reduces stress when we know what we have to do Not oh my god. What do I have to do to get you know, 

Cristina: no, it's it's literally that that is like an Instant instant you will feel like a weight off of your chest, you know, like all of a sudden you're breathing a little bit deeper Your brain all of a sudden has a little bit more clarity because you've at least gotten things out And it's not the same as complaining because that actually does the opposite.

I think right like if you instead of Taking the time just to, to put your, you know, everything that's in your head on paper and prioritize. If instead you decide to call the person that you're used to venting to and just talk about, you know, how overwhelmed you are and all the shit that's, you know, got to get done and bop bop bop bop bop.

That actually will increase your stress rather than decrease it. Unless [00:23:00] you happen to call somebody that's going to like step you through what the first next logical step is that you have to do I I think that's actually dangerous like to over Overvent and over complain About things without like it being productively moving you in the right direction.

Good point. The other thing that Is important to do is to not make assumptions Um, because I think a lot of where our future thoughts and future anxieties come from is from us making assumptions about how somebody else is going to take or react to something that we're sharing or something that's happening or something that, you know, is going to be presented, whatever it is, right?

Sometimes we create scenarios in our head that That challenge, you know, and where we're making assumptions about how somebody else is going to receive something or react to something. That's not positive, because until [00:24:00] you know, okay, the number one thing I think to do in that situation is really think big picture about, okay, what is it that Like, let's say that it was, let's say that it's a, a situation where I'm selling you something dad.

Right. You've got, um, you met with a sales team, right? And you explained a challenge that you have, they're coming back with a proposal or some kind of a solution. Well, they can get back from their team something that they're not sure if it's going to, you know, Oh, do I? But I think. If they're thinking picture, what was the ask?

What was the situation? And does, you know, does this meet what was asked for? If the answers to all of that is yes, you could say all of this meets what was being asked for, then how you're going to respond to it is going to be how you're going to respond to it, right? Right. So, I don't know if that's a good example, but my point [00:25:00] is like so often we in our head get anxious about how somebody else is going to respond to something.

If we're confident in what we've put out and we think big picture about what was ultimately the goal or outcome of what we're talking about, then we need to just like wait for the feedback in order to take that next 

Joe: logical step. And focus again. To your point about one step at a time, now move on and focus on what you have to do for the next prospect or for this project or whatever you have to do.

Focus on what you can control. Get it out of your head because you can't control it. It's like worrying about the weather. 

Cristina: I have, I have people all the time that are like, Oh, I think our pricing is going to be too high. And I'm like, well, why do you think that? I just, I don't know, it feels, it feels high, or that margin feels high.

And then, it's like, okay, well, have the conversation, let's see how, until you have those conversations, until you, you know, and do our due [00:26:00] diligence, yes, right? Try and put our best foot forward. And be prepared 

Joe: for the objection, or be prepared, but don't 

Cristina: dwell on it. But and because that's something we can't control until we have some kind, you need some kind of like feedback, right?

So that's probably a better example of just sometimes we create these barriers in our head where, where we create a lot of anxiety and swirl and angst, um, anticipating something. And then all of a sudden you get into this meeting and they're like, Oh, this looks great. You guys are super competitive. Oh, okay.

Right. So all of that swirl, right, was for 

Joe: what? Was 

Cristina: for not, you know. Right. We make ourselves sick over something. We could have been focusing on something proactive that we can control. Which, in that case, would be, how are we going to communicate this to the customer? You know, how do we? you know, wrap this with as much value as we can so that they see the value in it?

Like, how do we, how do we think about, you know, what it is they asked for so we make sure that it's aligned rather than just dwelling on, oh God, I think that they're going to think this is too much. Pete Slauson 

Joe: Yeah, you're right. No, [00:27:00] that's excellent. Excellent. This was good. So I'm no longer worried about tomorrow.

Cristina: Are you worried about yesterday? 

Joe: No, because I screwed up yesterday, so I'll just, you know, let that go. Can I, 

Cristina: can I just, um, this is totally, totally unrelated, but we were talking a little bit about being old before. 

Joe: No, you were talking about being old 

Cristina: before. Well, I assumed you had just, you're just always talking about being old, right?

Just unsubliminally. No. So anyway, I recently watched Home Alone and Home Alone 2. Like Brad and I watched them together. Like just as kind of getting into the holiday season. And I hadn't, I haven't watched that in quite some time. And, you know, watching it, you see, like, the mom in Home Alone, and I think, you know, I always thought she was old, right?

Well, come to find out, she was 36 years old, which is how old I am, when she was filmed in that movie. And now, I'm [00:28:00] like, I am officially old, because I am the same age of the mom in Home Alone, 

Joe: 2. It's so true. It's so true. When you're, when you're, when you're young. Everybody is like, you know, Oh my God, so old, 

Cristina: so old.

But I still think she's like watching it. I'm like, Oh wow, the mom's old. I'm literally like, this is like, I'll be older than her soon. Yeah. Anyway, totally off tangent, but it's Christmas season. We're talking about stress overwhelm and that had me rocked a little bit. So I don't know if anybody else, um.

Anybody else feels that? But the mom in Home Alone 2 was 36 years old, Catherine O'Hara, and Yeah. So, I, you know, I usually feel quite young, but How old, how many years ago was that movie made? I don't know exactly. I could find out. Okay, because she's 

Joe: probably my age now. 

Cristina: Well, yeah, no, now she's, you know, now she's you old, but But yeah, so anyway, thanks for being with us.

Yeah. Thank you so much I know we kind [00:29:00] of went all over the place to come back to something but We feel pretty passionate about this topic 

Joe: and yeah, but it was a good example of being all over the place then writing it down We 

Cristina: kind of did that exactly so as you go about your holiday season, we both hope that this is as stress free and enjoyable as possible and we know that it will help you get there if you just Tackle that next first logical step right 

Joe: and tell a couple dad jokes cuz that'll just lighten the 

Cristina: light in the load a little bit Hey if you liked what you heard listeners Please like subscribe share with a friend follow the podcast so that when we do drop our new episodes you always get the alert That's 

Joe: correct Wherever you are.

Whatever your story. Thanks for spending time with us this morning Now, go and make a difference in your world.

Cristina: [00:30:00] I have one more. No more, dad. No more. It better be holiday 

Joe: themed. Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward for me. 

Cristina: Enjoy the holidays, everybody. Bye. Bye bye.